Empower Your Kids Against Bullies - featured October 1, 2010
< Back to Previous PageEmpower Your Kids Against Bullies
By: Tiffiny Carlson
Tiffiny Carlson is a frequent contributor to Action Online - United Spinal Publication.
NB: This article is written for the parents of children who have Disabilities and related problems. We publish it here because we know that therapists like to give their client's caregivers as much information as possible.
This article was originally published in Action Online and is reprinted here with the express Permission of the United Spinal Association.
Being proud of one’s differences is the best defense against bullying.
The new school year has arrived. Notebooks, calculators, and lunch money may seem like the best ways to prepare your kids for school, but parents need to go deeper. Readying your child mentally for the slew of social interactions that will surely come their way is just as important. And bullying, a phenomenon that nearly every child experiences (disabled or not), is one such interaction that you can empower your child with proper training to rise above.
It’s no secret that bullies love to make fun of anyone who’s different. It’s easy, it gives them power, and sadly, it fills the void inside of them (low self-esteem) which is likely causing them to bully in the first place. If your child has a disability, they’re likely to be at a higher risk for bullying.
Glasses, being short, talking differently, using a wheelchair—differences such as these can attract bullies like a moth to a flame.
With the helplessness and fear that results from bullying, it’s no wonder some parents make the executive decision to homeschool. But this isn’t always the best solution (for you or for them). Since it’s a futile game to try to protect your child from the cruelties in the world forever, teach them instead how to defend themselves from bullies. Empowering your child, especially if they’re disabled, is one of the best things a parent can do.
Before you can beat them, understand them
Helping your child understand the “why” behind bullying is an important first step in helping your child successfully fend bullies off and keep them off.
For most bullies, it’s all about one thing: Power. They want power and they want control over as many students as possible. Some bullies think they’re superior to everyone else; others feel so horrible inside that they think the only way to feel better is to make other kids feel as bad as they do. Tell your kids these things in the most straightforward way you can. Talk with them about what power means and why it’s a selfish, low-level thing to want in the first place.
Many bullies also do what they do because of their home environment. Some may have parents who aren’t good at showing them love or simply aren’t very involved in their lives. Others may have overly permissive parents who don’t chastise them for anything. And another factor may be their social class: Kids from lower-class homes will sometimes bully to feel better about themselves.
Whatever the reason—and you may never know the real one—drive home to your child that bullies usually come from pretty dark places inside, and their words, no matter how cruel or direct they may be, are thinly veiled attempts to feel better about themselves. The ultimate way to show your child that anyone who bullies them doesn’t deserve a reaction: Not only is it too easy (and obvious) to tease someone with a disability, it’s pitiful and petty.
Respecting Differences: Kryptonite to Bullies
By teaching your child not only to respect, but to celebrate the differences in everyone, you’re enabling them to defend against bullies more than you realize. Stress to your child whenever the opportunity arises to not be ashamed of being different. If they 100% believe they are unique, interesting, and as valid as any other kid, the power any bully might have had over them will be gone.
If a bully points and jeers at your child, saying, “Hey, you use a wheelchair!” teach them to simply smile and agree with the bully, answering a simple (and diffusive), “Why, yes. I do use a wheelchair,” and rolling away. When the bully sees that your child’s feelings aren’t hurt by having their disability pointed out to them— because, after all, a disability is nothing to be ashamed of—the bully will have nothing to work with and will hopefully go away.
In addition to “agreeing” with the bully, it’s essential that your child try his or her hardest not to show any emotional response to whatever the bully says or does. Parents of feisty children who have a propensity to fight back should seek to temper them down. Fighting or bullying back may make a kid feel better for a while and may ever deter the bully indefinitely, but it’s a risky strategy that may not work and could even get them in trouble with the school (deeming them as part of the problem as well).
It’s also vital as a parent to boost your child’s self-esteem at home, reminding them the differences that all human beings encompass (from race, to accent, to clothing, etc). Their “difference” may stand out more than say, a kid with ADD or a child with a heart disorder, but it doesn’t make their difference any worse. By appreciating diversity and believing in its worth, you have given your child one of the best bully-shields in existence.
And the rest…
Sometimes, no matter what your child may say to a bully to get them to go away, nothing will work. If this is the case, remind your child how bullies thrive on isolation.
It’s much more difficult for a bully to get to their target in a crowd, so encourage your child to stay around other adults and kids at school whenever possible.
And remember, if all else fails, kids with disabilities who experience harsh bullying are federally protected under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 and Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990. Severe bullying that involves intimidation or abusive behavior that creates such a hostile environment that it interferes with the student‘s ability to participate in school can be considered “disability harassment,” and teachers are legally required to respond immediately.
Keep this in mind if your child, despite yours and your child’s best efforts, can’t make the bullying stop. Also, see if your child’s school has an anti-bullying policy. More and more schools are adopting such policies to prevent legal action from frustrated parents.
Links
Our Featured Organization: United Spinal Association
United Spinal Association is a national 501©(3) nonprofit membership organization formed in 1946 by paralyzed veterans who pioneered the disability rights movement.
Our mission is to improve the quality of life of all Americans living with spinal cord injuries and disorders (SCI/D), including multiple sclerosis, spina bifida, Lou Gehrig’s Disease (ALS), and post polio.
The core belief of United Spinal is that, despite living with a disability or mobility impairment, a full, pro-active, and rewarding life is not only possible, it is within the reach of anyone with the strength to believe it and the courage to make it happen. For over 60 years, we have been an active voice in the disability community and a leading provider of outstanding programs and services for individuals with disabilities.
Please support our contributing Organizations and visit United Spinal Association
By: Tiffiny Carlson
Tiffiny Carlson is a frequent contributor to Action Online - United Spinal Publication.
NB: This article is written for the parents of children who have Disabilities and related problems. We publish it here because we know that therapists like to give their client's caregivers as much information as possible.
This article was originally published in Action Online and is reprinted here with the express Permission of the United Spinal Association.
Being proud of one’s differences is the best defense against bullying.
The new school year has arrived. Notebooks, calculators, and lunch money may seem like the best ways to prepare your kids for school, but parents need to go deeper. Readying your child mentally for the slew of social interactions that will surely come their way is just as important. And bullying, a phenomenon that nearly every child experiences (disabled or not), is one such interaction that you can empower your child with proper training to rise above.
It’s no secret that bullies love to make fun of anyone who’s different. It’s easy, it gives them power, and sadly, it fills the void inside of them (low self-esteem) which is likely causing them to bully in the first place. If your child has a disability, they’re likely to be at a higher risk for bullying.
Glasses, being short, talking differently, using a wheelchair—differences such as these can attract bullies like a moth to a flame.
With the helplessness and fear that results from bullying, it’s no wonder some parents make the executive decision to homeschool. But this isn’t always the best solution (for you or for them). Since it’s a futile game to try to protect your child from the cruelties in the world forever, teach them instead how to defend themselves from bullies. Empowering your child, especially if they’re disabled, is one of the best things a parent can do.
Before you can beat them, understand them
Helping your child understand the “why” behind bullying is an important first step in helping your child successfully fend bullies off and keep them off.
For most bullies, it’s all about one thing: Power. They want power and they want control over as many students as possible. Some bullies think they’re superior to everyone else; others feel so horrible inside that they think the only way to feel better is to make other kids feel as bad as they do. Tell your kids these things in the most straightforward way you can. Talk with them about what power means and why it’s a selfish, low-level thing to want in the first place.
Many bullies also do what they do because of their home environment. Some may have parents who aren’t good at showing them love or simply aren’t very involved in their lives. Others may have overly permissive parents who don’t chastise them for anything. And another factor may be their social class: Kids from lower-class homes will sometimes bully to feel better about themselves.
Whatever the reason—and you may never know the real one—drive home to your child that bullies usually come from pretty dark places inside, and their words, no matter how cruel or direct they may be, are thinly veiled attempts to feel better about themselves. The ultimate way to show your child that anyone who bullies them doesn’t deserve a reaction: Not only is it too easy (and obvious) to tease someone with a disability, it’s pitiful and petty.
Respecting Differences: Kryptonite to Bullies
By teaching your child not only to respect, but to celebrate the differences in everyone, you’re enabling them to defend against bullies more than you realize. Stress to your child whenever the opportunity arises to not be ashamed of being different. If they 100% believe they are unique, interesting, and as valid as any other kid, the power any bully might have had over them will be gone.
If a bully points and jeers at your child, saying, “Hey, you use a wheelchair!” teach them to simply smile and agree with the bully, answering a simple (and diffusive), “Why, yes. I do use a wheelchair,” and rolling away. When the bully sees that your child’s feelings aren’t hurt by having their disability pointed out to them— because, after all, a disability is nothing to be ashamed of—the bully will have nothing to work with and will hopefully go away.
In addition to “agreeing” with the bully, it’s essential that your child try his or her hardest not to show any emotional response to whatever the bully says or does. Parents of feisty children who have a propensity to fight back should seek to temper them down. Fighting or bullying back may make a kid feel better for a while and may ever deter the bully indefinitely, but it’s a risky strategy that may not work and could even get them in trouble with the school (deeming them as part of the problem as well).
It’s also vital as a parent to boost your child’s self-esteem at home, reminding them the differences that all human beings encompass (from race, to accent, to clothing, etc). Their “difference” may stand out more than say, a kid with ADD or a child with a heart disorder, but it doesn’t make their difference any worse. By appreciating diversity and believing in its worth, you have given your child one of the best bully-shields in existence.
And the rest…
Sometimes, no matter what your child may say to a bully to get them to go away, nothing will work. If this is the case, remind your child how bullies thrive on isolation.
It’s much more difficult for a bully to get to their target in a crowd, so encourage your child to stay around other adults and kids at school whenever possible.
And remember, if all else fails, kids with disabilities who experience harsh bullying are federally protected under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 and Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990. Severe bullying that involves intimidation or abusive behavior that creates such a hostile environment that it interferes with the student‘s ability to participate in school can be considered “disability harassment,” and teachers are legally required to respond immediately.
Keep this in mind if your child, despite yours and your child’s best efforts, can’t make the bullying stop. Also, see if your child’s school has an anti-bullying policy. More and more schools are adopting such policies to prevent legal action from frustrated parents.
Links
- Pacer Kids on Bullying
- Bullying Among Children and Youth with Special Needs (helpful PDF file from the US Dept. of Education)
- Dealing With Bullies
- Bullies on PBS Kids
- STOP cyberbullying
Our Featured Organization: United Spinal Association
United Spinal Association is a national 501©(3) nonprofit membership organization formed in 1946 by paralyzed veterans who pioneered the disability rights movement.
Our mission is to improve the quality of life of all Americans living with spinal cord injuries and disorders (SCI/D), including multiple sclerosis, spina bifida, Lou Gehrig’s Disease (ALS), and post polio.
The core belief of United Spinal is that, despite living with a disability or mobility impairment, a full, pro-active, and rewarding life is not only possible, it is within the reach of anyone with the strength to believe it and the courage to make it happen. For over 60 years, we have been an active voice in the disability community and a leading provider of outstanding programs and services for individuals with disabilities.
Please support our contributing Organizations and visit United Spinal Association
Tags: Article SLP PT Bullying OT Special Education School Based Psychology Parental Involvement PI Psychology
